30 Days Till 30— Daily Video Blog. Ep #9: "GoPro Tandem Kiteboarding"
December 9, 2015
I woke up and all I wanted to do was go home. I wonder if this is one of those times when one “sticks it out” or to throw in the towel and say “enough of this island.” I love kite surfing— although I’m just a beginner. Nothing makes me more happy, except this time. I’m not forgetting everything and getting lost in the moment. I’m just feeling lost. Turning 30 has been this dreaded benchmark. I’m living a twenty-something’s existence, but I’m not 23 any longer. I thought this trip would be different, but the longer that I’m here, I feel like I just don’t belong. My bleach blonde hair screams foreign. I don’t want to make friends. I’m having a hard time finding wifi that works well enough to get my freelance work done, and my mind is so preoccupied that I can’t write the book that I promised myself I would work on.
“I’ve never seen you kite so bad,” my instructor says. Yeah. I know. “What’s up with you?” he continues. Angry tears threaten to slide down my sun-burned cheeks. I’m supposed to love this I think. Why am I struggling so much with being ‘present?’ “Stop thinking,” he says. “Just ride.” Oh, “…and believe in yourself.”
The day finished better than it started. I kited better than I ever have, and I smiled and meant it.