Facing Blank Slates & Broken...[Insert Symptoms Here]
I haven't written here in so long. It's about time to say something— anything. I don't really think that I have much of a positive anything to say. Two nights ago, I cried myself to sleep, pleading with the darkness that, "I'm not strong enough for this." I watch the trees sway in the wind, as my broken ankle throbs with the pain of healing. Why is healing painful?
I hurt inside and outside I tell my Mom. I had too many expectations of what would happen between us. I was too sure that my corporate flight attendant career was, quite literally, taking off. I was going to do this, that, and the other, and that one thing, too. In a moment, that changed, and now, I face a blank slate of possibilities and the broken pieces of all of my expectation.
Expectation is the murderer of happiness.
Although you see the joy and entertainment that I somehow muster in brokenness, this leg thing, subsequent job delay, and temporarily life altering scenario is not easy, simple, or fun. But, I still have my hands. I still have my mind. I still have my family. I still have my friends. I have a lot. There are worse things than feeling broken inside and out.
Someone told me today that, "Starting over is a blessing." Ok. Let's find that blessing, because this feels like blank slates and new beginnings.