"But, What If I dont...?"
I've picked up this sport this past year, or more accurately, it's captured me to the point where I know I will never, ever be the same. Addictive and exhilarating in its nature; kiteboarding instills within its participants a freedom, a challenge, and a sense of happy accomplishment that few other activities have the power to do. It also has the ability to teach one about life; the value of risk and reward, the confidence gained from facing fears.
There's so much that kiteboarding has added to my life. It's added dates with hot guys. It's added laughter. It's added fitness. It's added new friends. It's added time to think and moments to be grateful.
Recently, I've been thinking about how much I risk to learn and progress in kiting, but how hesitant I am to fail in my writing, in career changes, or in relationships. "What if he doesn't like me?" "What if I don't do a good job?" "What if the literary agent hates my proposal?" "What if my pitch gets rejected?" With kiting I don't think, "What if I fall?" I actually think, "Well— there's a huge possibility I'll eat shit, but there is the chance that I won't."
When I kite, I find myself thinking, "What if I don't? What if I don't fall?" And that smile— that possibility that I can make it— makes me throw stuff I have no business throwing, try stuff that feels way out of my league, and simply 'go for it' harder than I actually feel comfortable with most of the time.
And you know what? I fail. I fall, over and over and over again. But, I also succeed.
"If you don't fall, you aren't progressing." he says. His words echo in my ears as I search for the words that will sell this one article I don't know if anyone will buy. I like it, but they have to like it. It's safe next to me; on my computer, only in front of my eyes. I don't want to "live safe" though. I could do that with kiteboarding— "mow the lawn" every single day, but I always know that I can do more. So, I do it.
I haven't let my kiteboarding crashes get to me. Yet, at least. It's obvious due to the amount of times I keep crashing. Why have I let my business, writing, and relationship crashes play on repeat? They are over. Done. The kite is already back in the sky. The kite always wants to fly. So let it...